It’s early spring at the time of publishing. The rest of the northern hemisphere is beginning to emerge from its winter slumber. Daffodils are sprouting, birds are chirping, and Daylight Savings Time is wreaking havoc on our sleep schedules. It’s a time of renewal.
No so for public accountants. Early spring is a time of crushing deadlines, disorganized clients, and buggy software. Murphy’s Law reigns supreme in March. Partners and senior managers are plotting their vacations in late spring – Curacao is hot this year. Managers and junior staff are practicing their “Why do we agree to do this every single year?!” monologues. Everyone is deciding which vice to overindulge in when this is all over – Curacao is also hot in this category.* The first happy hour when busy season is finally done is magical, and people have a tendency to loosen up when the pressure lifts.
Times of celebration are supposed to be enjoyed, but they’re also risky if you overindulge. If you’re new to drinking in American corporate culture, there’s an etiquette that’s helpful to follow. It will keep you out of trouble and in the good standing of your peers. If you don’t drink, you’re wiser than us sots. Still, it’s good to know corporate drinking etiquette. Maybe you can save a colleague from embarrassing himself at a happy hour.
Who pays?
In most companies, the highest-ranking member of the group (who also has a corporate credit card) pays for informal social events. If a partner, a manager, and two seniors go to happy hour after work on Friday, the partner will pay the bill. If two or more people are of the highest rank at the event, whoever hates filling out expense reports least pays.
How much can I drink?
That’s entirely up to you and your metabolism big guy.
Thanks smartass, I mean how much is polite to drink?
That will require reading the room. Some people can drink a lot and handle their booze well. Some people are lightweights. It’s usually fine to loosen up a bit more around your peers, but you probably shouldn’t be visibly drunk in front of a partner or senior manager.**
A common rule of thumb is to stay one drink behind your boss. If your boss has finished two drinks, you should have only finished one, and so on. This works great unless:
- You don’t want to track your boss’s drinking during happy hour.
- Someone catches you tracking your boss’s drinking during happy hour and HR gets involved.
- Your boss is a tank.
In short, you should aspire to be in control of your wits and able to get yourself home safely. If you struggle with impulse control when you start drinking, you can always fall back on the old reliable tricks: drink slower, pace drinks with water, and go home early.
Can I order the 17-year-old Scotch?
If you’re paying, order whatever you want. If Partner Patricia is paying, you should probably stick to mid-range brands. If she orders the Macallan 18 though, definitely ask if you can get a glass too. Shooters gotta shoot.
How many photos should I take?
Ideally, none. Visually documenting your happy hours is widely considered a ‘poor career move.’ If you must memorialize the company event, everyone should pretend they’re drinking underage: announce the photo, hide the evidence, and stash the drunkest folks in the darkest corner.
How do I leave a company event?
At PA Almanac, we’re fans of the “Irish Goodbye.” In a corporate setting, an Irish Goodbye is appropriate if you’re part of a large group, it’s getting late, and you’re just over it, man. That said, it’s good to tell at least one person that you’re leaving. If a colleague notices you’re missing and no one knows where you went, you can expect a whole bunch of text messages and pings. This is the last thing you want when you’re just over it, man.
The smaller the group, the less appropriate an Irish Goodbye is. Put simply, if you know everyone’s full name and the car they drive, you shouldn’t Irish Goodbye. You also don’t want to pull this maneuver if you’re the guest of honor. You’d think that would go without saying, but you’re reading an article about drinking etiquette on an accounting blog. You need all the help you can get.
When you’re ready to go, just announce to the group (or your subgroup, if your event is the Annual Audit and Tax Mixer) that you’re headed home. You don’t need to provide an excuse, but if someone asks why, you have to let your dog out. Don’t have a dog? You do now! You got the adorable little scamp yesterday in a fit of whimsy, and he’s very demanding when it’s convenient for you. Make sure you have pictures ready to share.
My friend had too much to drink, what do I do?
Take a beat and assess the situation. Let’s say Associate Andrea was pounding Whiteclaws at the post-deadline celebration. The last time Andrea had a drink was at a New Year’s Eve party. She’s been working long hours at her desk during busy season, and she can barely metabolize a rice cake, never mind an onslaught of spiked seltzers. Andrea’s falling asleep and looks a little nauseous, but she’s otherwise behaving herself.
Andrea is straightforward: Quietly arrange for Andrea to get home safely, either by having a colleague drive/walk her home, or calling an Uber/Lyft/Intern. Try to make sure she carries a sturdy plastic bag with her until she gets home. Andrea will have a rough morning, but she didn’t hurt anyone and her embarrassment is punishment enough.
People who aren’t Andrea sometimes drink too much too. Let’s say you’re at a company soiree celebrating the new class of partners. Newly minted Partners Tom and Gerry are renowned in the Tax department for their drinking prowess. Tonight, they’re getting drunk off the achievement of a significant career goal. And Jägermeister. And Mezcal. But never at the same time.
Your finely tuned Manager eyes can spot an impending disaster long before the Partners’ can. Tom and Gerry are about to be Problems, and there are some very important people here who prefer that firm owners, however new they may be, don’t cause a Scene.
Tom and Gerry are tricky: You need to find a quiet, sympathetic Partner to rally the resources. Partners always prefer to take care of Partner business in-house, so keeping this intervention discrete is critical. Also, Tom and Gerry’s careers may be in jeopardy. You don’t want your name anywhere in the story if the Plastered Pair get the axe for this little demonstration.
If you don’t know any Partners you can trust, just go as high up the hierarchy as you can. If you’re the highest-ranking member, sober up. It’s your problem now.
Busy season just ended and we’re headed to TGIF’s! Any last words of advice?
I’ll leave you with the wise words of my first manager, seconds before he chugged a craft IPA:
“Only get as drunk around your coworkers as you would around your grandma.”
*We’re not sell-outs, but Curacao, if you ever wanted to sponsor an article on an accounting blog…
**Every firm has a partner that hosts an annual party/event/shindig that has a totally formal and above-board name at the office, but will be colloquially known as “Partner Pete’s 14th Annual Drinko de Mayo Rager.” And everyone is completely pants-on-head drunk at Drinko de Mayo, but it’s expected, so it’s cool. Just be respectful and smart.